From the Perspective of an Infertility Fighting Woman. .
**What is Infertility- I want to be transparent with what this emotional rollercoaster can look like, and let me be clear, this is not when you just start “trying” to have a baby and its exciting and you’re having a lot of “fun” sex.
This rollercoaster is when you are both tired, anxious, frustrated and no longer having just “fun” sex. Please read until the end so that you can see this post ends on a positive note.
***************************************
What is Infertility. .
If you’re not sure what this word actually entails or just need a clarification, then you have come to the right place! I think the word “Infertility” is somewhat of a catch all because it has a lot of moving parts in a lot of different areas for women.
For men it’s kind of straight forward, since really they only have one component that plays a role in getting pregnant (don’t get me wrong it is a very big, very important role – – always give credit where credit is due!)
Medical Part . . .
Okay so let’s just dive right in, from Women’s Health, “Infertility means not being able to get pregnant after one year of trying (or six months if a woman is 35 or older). “Women who can get pregnant but are unable to stay pregnant may also be infertile.”
“About 10 percent of women (6.1 million) in the United States ages 15-44 have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant” (Womens Health, 2019, https://www.womenshealth.gov/a-z-topics/infertility) . Infertility can have many faces but here are some of the most common ones (you can find more information on each of these from the link above): All of this starts by talking to your primary care provider, that is the first step.
For Women; PCOS, Endometriosis, Fibroids, Ovulation Issues, Structure of the Uterus, Age, and Unexplained Reasons- and there are two main procedures that can help find these conditions, first being an Ultrasound- this is from personal experience, when we started going to a fertility clinic this is the first thing they did to just get a quick look at my cervix and uterus.
Next would be, Hysterosalpingography or xray of the uterus and fallopian tubes by way of injectable contrast, yes into your vagina – fun times (insert sarcastic laugh here) and there is also laparoscopy or minor surgery into your abdomen to take a closer look at how everything is looking. (American Pregnancy Association, 2019) (Womens Health, 2019)
For Men; Sperm Count, Sperm Motility, Azoospermia (no sperm production), Varicocele (enlarged veins on the testicles, which can heat the testes which affect the number and shape of sperm) – these are found mostly by the semen analysis that will be done. (American Pregnancy Association, 2019, https://americanpregnancy.org/getting-pregnant/what-is-infertility/), (Women’s Health, 2019, womenshealth.gov)
So now that we’ve went over the medical aspect, what does infertility mean emotionally, because this is not just a physical journey. This is going to test everything that makes you, you.
It’s going to test your insecurities about your body that you didn’t even realize you had until now, it’s going to test your relationship with your partner, it’s going to test your resilience, it’s going to test your soul. You will hear the term emotional rollercoaster a lot and thats because it’s the best way to describe it, period.
Please note that some of the links within this post are affiliate links, and at no cost to you, I will earn a commission if you decide to make a purchase after clicking the link. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Please read my full Affiliate Disclosure for more information.
Ups and Downs . .
Let me try to explain, think of a rollercoaster and think about how it works;
- Waiting for the ride to start- You’re taking ovulation tests or starting your clomid for IUI/IVF, and your Baby Dancing (having sex).
- The ride starts to move- your ovulation tests tells you when you’re in your peak period, or you were able to get the IUI done.
- The ride is now on the incline to the top- this is the Two Week Wait – which is a rollercoaster in itself but that’s a different post.
- You’re at the very top– holding your breath waiting for the drop to happen -the wait is over but is it going to be a good drop or a bad one? Did you get pregnant or is your period going to start?
- The drop comes- for many who are dealing with infertility it’s going to be a bad drop because AF (aunt flo) has started. So, the downward spiral of the rollercoaster is now in effect until you hit your complete breakdown or bottom of the rollercoaster and things start to slow down again. You pick up the pieces that are your heart and you find yourself at the beginning of the ride again . . . . . . . Just waiting for it to re-start.
Like a song on repeat, it gets old real fast and all you can do is sing along and bite the bullet because there is nothing you can do but accept it.
Whiplash . .
Like most women, I never in a million years thought I would have problems getting pregnant. My mom never had any issues nor did anyone else in my family, so there was no reason to think I would.
We live in a world that is all about preventing pregnancy until were ready to have a baby, which is great advice don’t get me wrong.
I just think it sets women up for whiplash because your living your life 1000 miles a minute without a care in the world and then when its time to take that next step into parenthood, your body grabs you by the back of the shirt and says “sit down, this is going to take a while”.
Your response is, “Wait, what?”, and you’re left confused and frustrated because this is not what you planned. You did everything right, you didn’t get pregnant in high school which can be an award for a lot of women- not judging because I’m right there with ya! lol
You went to and graduated from college, you got a job, you and your partner were able to put some money away to start this new journey, everything is in its place so why the hell is making the baby where it all falls apart?
And this is the question we all ask ourselves many, many times during this process but it’s also a question I cannot answer. So now you’re asking yourself why the hell did I just read this post if not to get answers.
How Does This All Help . .
Well, here’s what I can give you, infertility is one of the most difficult things women can go through and it can wreak havoc on your heart and life but we cannot let this process drag us behind it, this experience can bring some good into your life if you allow yourself to see it!
Let this hardship bring you and your spouse closer together, love one another fiercely, take this as an opportunity to create a bond between you that is truly unbreakable.
Talk about being parents and how you want to raise your kids, talk about what you think they will look like, what personality traits they’ll get from both of you, pick out names.
You may think that this will make things worse, but it doesn’t have to, it can be something that helps you guys move forward with your process, it can reignite the excitement you had when you first started.
It can bring you back to one another because honestly this process can cause separation in a relationship and it doesn’t have to be that your angry at each other but more that the emotions that all of this causes can create isolation and you forget to take care of your relationship along the way.
Self-care is one of the most important aspects of this journey, your mental health, the health of your relationship and self-love is what is going to get you through the dark moments.
I know a baby is the goal but if you lose yourself while getting to that goal, what will you have left once your baby comes?
What will you have left for yourself? what will be left of your relationship? There are many parts of this journey we have no control over but self-care, self-love are two things we can make sure happen!
Stay Strong, Stay Fierce, You are Truly Amazing!