Trying to Conceive- Unhelpful comments that can be hurtful
Okay ladies and gents time to talk about sex! So when you start to “actively” trying to conceive – a term they use when you see a professional, because all the times you just didn’t prevent getting pregnant doesn’t count, I always laugh at that because having sex without protection, To Me is “actively” trying lol but I get it, they need an approximate time frame that you and your partner were consciously trying to make a baby.
. . . . . Sorry for getting side tracked for a second. . . . .
Okay so I love my family and friends, I love they are so supportive and understanding but just like anything in this life if you haven’t been through it yourself you just don’t fully understand. In this case it’s the comments like “just get drunk and go wild, thats how I got pregnant” or “just relax and watch it’ll happen on its own”, or “try to decrease your stress, that probably doesn’t help” . . .
. . . Again I’m so glad to have such a supportive corner but here’s the problem with these comments. . . .
Problem #1
WE HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. . . Trrruuuust me, we have tried every position you can think of, we had enough sex for a lifetime, I’ve laid upside for over an hour afterwards, Ive titled my hips with a pillow for over 30 minutes, he’s finished and then stayed inside for a lot longer than necessary and we just chat and laugh about how weird it is lol.
I have read A LOT on “How to Get Pregnant” such as, which foods are best to eat when ttc, sperm safe lube, drinking a shit ton of water to help overall uterus health, and much much more so anything you can suggest I either know about or we’ve already done while trying to conceive.
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Problem # 2
What they don’t understand is sex is not always fun (when you are dealing with infertility issues while trying to conceive) otherwise yes, it is very much a fun time.
When trying to conceive you are timing sex, scheduling sex, making sure you’re doing sex right; right position, right angle, right amount of time, and it goes on (did I mention I read a lot). This can make for a very unromantic setting, it’s no longer spontaneous and no matter how sexy I dress up or how much fore play we do, in the back of both our minds is the fact we are trying to make a baby, so unfortunately that thought becomes a distraction, and that can be a mood killer.
Also, when your scheduling sex, sometimes you’re really not in the mood but it’s your “optimal” or “most fertile” time, soooo (TMI) but that can make for a very uncomfortable ttc session if my lady parts are dry, uninspired if you will.
Problem # 3
ITS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT THE SEX. . . Sex may not be the problem, there are shit ton of medical conditions that no matter how you’re having sex or how much you’re having is going to change the outcome because of the condition you or your spouse may or may not have (there is also something called “unexplained infertility), yeah isn’t that a real kicker.
. . . . . . I am not trying to say our family and friends cannot talk to us, I just think there should be some guidelines . . .
If you’re the one who started the conversation and is seeking advice, then by all means open the flood gates and give me all you got. If this topic happens to come up and you engage in the conversation, then again advice or tips are welcomed. .
. . . BUT if you’re minding your own business and someone says, “hey when are you going to have a baby”, “How old are you, don’t you want kids?”or “don’t you want more than one child?”.
Without punching them in the face, smile and respectfully explain some of the points I just went over, because they obviously have no idea the battle you are in and again if you haven’t been through it then you won’t fully understand, and that is the world they live in.
They may be making some hurtful comments, but most of the time, they have no idea they are doing so. We have to be the educators, they have no reason to research infertility and what a complete train wreck it can cause, so you have to be the one to help them grow their understanding.
. . . . . . . But unfortunately, there are a select few that don’t want to try and understand and choose to be dicks. . .
So, if it’s their second or third offense then kindly and respectfully tell them to “F- Off” lol <too harsh?> sorry for the language but by that point you’ve done your best to help them to understand and they have chosen not to listen and ultimately they are being disrespectful so they may need a more clear and concise statement.
.. . . . . . Again, we do want to educate our loved ones because I guarantee they at least want some understanding on what you’re going through, so that they can learn what to say or not say. Or better yet, how they can help. This can be a very lonely journey so accepting support is a must! . . . . .
If you can relate to this post, please leave me a comment, I’d love to hear from you!