The Power of a Pregnancy Test
We all know the Two Week Wait but rarely do we talk about the Two Minute Wait . . .
The wait between peeing on the stick to seeing a positive or negative sign . .
Waking up early in the morning- today 0330, has become a monthly routine for me, because the experienced infertility warrior in me, knows the power of that first morning pee for pregnancy test taking.
So, I pee on the stick and then lay it down and then I get on the floor and watch the little blocks fill in or just start counting down the 2 mins. . .Which are the LONGEST 2 mins in existent. – I mean seriously, I feel like I could run a marathon and still beat the time clock!
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I have so many thoughts running through my head, excitement- I could be growing a tiny bean right now, nervousness- what if this one doesnt stick, and then I start thinking maybe I should’ve waited to test- maybe I should wait one more day, maybe it’s too early.
. . . . All while holding my breath, just waiting for a result that could possibly change everything . . .
Finally, those 2 mins are up and I look down just to find out this time is not the happy ending I’ve been praying for. I sit there and stare at it for a little while longer, putting into the light, looking at it in different angles, taking a picture of it, maybe a different color gradient will show it better, closing my eyes and re-opening them trying to WILL the answer to change . . but it doesn’t.
So I get up, throw it in the trash, quietly get back into bed and shed a few lonely tears. These tears are mine and mine alone. Some anger builds behind those tears because if I wouldn’t have taken that test, I would still be on a hopeful cloud, because only moments ago I felt like this could be it.
Moments ago, I was still in the land of the unknown, not positive but not negative.
Of course I will still hold out for Aunt Flow to actually show up but a little doubt is already so damaging . . . Nobody talks about the two minute wait but I thinks it’s because we kind of do this part to ourselves. Which makes sharing that part of this journey not a fun topic since we some what caused our own pain but I know we have all gone through it and it doesn’t make us dumb or stupid.
We’re just hormonal and human and the TWW is just a bitch! No one can blame us for getting anxious and just wanting to know!
Its apart of our journey, and we should not be ashamed of it! So, take as many forking pregnancy tests as you want!!
I’m right here with you! – Although I feel like we should be getting compensated from some of these pregnancy test companies for how much we spend on them lol
Stay Strong Infertility Warriors!!