Part 1 – Another Womans Infertility Story
I would like to introduce @mymrkhlife
She is a strong and resilient woman who has graciously agreed to be a part of my This Is Me: Interview Series. I hope her story will bring more awareness and understanding that Infertility has many different faces, one story is never the same as the next.
Please read about her journey and remember we are not alone, and we should not be afraid to share our experiences because they really could help someone else work through their own struggles.
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Tell me a little bit about you and your infertility journey . .
I was 15 when I started to think something was wrong with me. I wasn’t for sure, but had a gut feeling. I had never had a period. But my mom was a very late bloomer, so I just waited.
I laid in bed nightly and had so much fear that I would never conceive. My childhood was complicated, so I never felt freely to ask questions. I lived in several different homes. I was diagnosed at 19. My worst fear came true. I was left shattered inside.
Not only was I diagnosed, but then the doctors wanted to check my chromosomes to make sure I was a female. Some people who are diagnosed with MrKH have male chromosomes, and female anatomy.
This sent me into a tailspin. The only thing that kept me mentally and emotionally was my faith in God. I quoted Psalm 91 often.
What is your infertility diagnosis? What treatments or procedures have you gone through if any?
My diagnosis is called MRKH. I had to use dialators when diagnosis’s. The dialators helped with stretching my vaginal canal. If the dialators did not help me, the doctors advised surgery. These actions would help me achieve a normal “relationship” with my soon to be husband.
What is something you’ve learned about yourself while dealing with infertility?
I hated my body. I looked down on myself. Felt broken and alone. I lived in a “fog” for a long time. I did not feel like I could share with other’s, for one.. no one that I told had ever heard about MRKH. Two.. I get like no one understood.
How has infertility affected your relationship, positive or negative? My relationship as with my family?
Very negative. I have several cousins who have children, several children and they have all been addicts. How was this fair? I have kept my life together and turned out to be a productive adult, yet I couldn’t have children.
I felt shafted. My relationship with my husband… this one has been the hardest. It’s a roller coaster. Negative, positive, negative, positive. Marriage is hard in it self. From financial problems, day to day struggles, let’s just add infertility to the list.
Oh and by the way, for us to have children, we just added more of a financial burden. We have had to learn to give each other grace, extra love, and give space. We have had to lean on each other and keep our faith firmly grounded in the fact that God is for us and not against us.
What is one thing you would like for the non-infertility community to know or to understand?
I would love for them to know that you do not just “get over” infertility. It is real. It is hard and very messy. Please be patient with us. We are trying to learn how to deal with our emotions, life and heartbreak.
We do not mean to be cold and insensitive to other people with children, but sometimes it happens. You will NEVER understand what I am going through, no matter how hard you try.
What advice can you give to a woman who is just starting her infertility journey?
If I could tell one lady, or ALL the ladies one thing, it would be do not be afraid to talk about it! Your feelings are so valid and you are not alone.
The weight of infertility is too heavy to carry yourself. Some things that people say to us may sting or hurt, but not everyone out there is trying to offend or hurt our feelings.
Sometimes their questions about us “adopting” or trying other family routes, are because they are truly trying to feel our pain. They want so badly for our longing to be fulfilled. So we should be just as gracious with them as much as we want them to be gracious for us.
You’re not alone on this journey. Many others before you have walked this road, only you may not know it. Ask for help. I don’t necessarily mean counseling.
It could be a close friend, your pastor, a ladies group. Don not try to hold all your feelings in. Allow yourself to feel them.
Do not just go through this process, grow through it. Advocate for yourself. (I am still learning this) You will be ok. It’s not the end of the road. Do not close yourself off. You will need a shoulder to cry on.