Coping or Obsession? . . Let me Explain
When our fertile week comes and we are doing everything we can to be “effective” at getting pregnant. Checking our BBT, LH Surge, Cervix and Cervical Mucus, just to make sure we do not miss our fertile window.
We start Baby dancing every other day until we get the go ahead that we are about to ovulate through our LH strip saying so, our cervix being open, our mucus being egg white in consistency.
We then either increase the BD with a lot of hip tilting and putting a pillow under our bum for 30-45 mins and/or using an at home insemination kit.
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As we are doing all these “effective” methods, our hopes are high and our confidence is even higher because this time we Really did everything right.
(I mean I’ve laid upside down just to make sure all those swimmers stay in the right place . . just me? if so thats cool lol)
We’ve also checked our cervix with more procession this time, we started using the LH strips sooner and more often, our mucus is perfect, maybe with the help of supplements or sperm safe lubrication, our BD was done with love and determination, but just in case we threw in a couple intravaginal inseminations (whats this? check out Mosie) to really cover all our bases.
. . . . . Coping or Obsession?
Two Week Wait
Then the dreaded TWW begins and all hell breaks loose. . . Alicia, what ever do you mean?
It starts with coming down from the high of how well you handled your fertile window, as the days go by that high starts to slowly turn into question marks???
Did we BD on the right days?, was the positions we used the best choices?, did I have my hips tilted long enough?, did any swimmers escape?, should we have done the IVI (at home insemination) on different days or times? Did I check my Lh surge often enough, maybe I missed the beginning of the window?
And on and on we go . . . Coping or Obsession?
Is that all? HA! nope, next up is the pregnancy test taking!
Starting as early as 9 DPO (not saying this is me, . . .okay yes I am), I mean I have all these tests just sitting in my bathroom drawer if I don’t use them who will?
(I bought them in bulk, it was a great deal- damn you Amazon
We continue testing everyday, each test including a session of light change, pictures to be able to adjust the contrast, taking different kinds of tests, taking the digital ones apart to see if the two line clue is a real thing (you know you’ve done it) and the bad practice of going back to the trash pulling out the test just to make sure you didn’t throw it away too soon.
. . . Coping or Obsession?
Is that the end? Nope, here comes all the pregnancy “signs and symptoms” portion.
As we get closer to the day that will either end in a positive test or a horrible visit from aunt flo. We start to scrutinize every pain, twinge, and any other possible indicator- that could also be a sign of our period.
(whoever chose to make pregnancy feel just like our period was just being cruel and unusual!)
When these s/s start we tell ourselves things like “well that’s a new pain, so that could be a good sign”, “well my boobs aren’t usually this tender, I mean they hurt but never like this, so that could be a good sign”, “man I am more tired than usual and Ive been nauseous”. (You get the point).
. . . Coping or Obsession?
Is it or isn’t It?
This is where I ask if it is obsession or a coping mechanism? After re-reading this I could see how someone who does not live in the Infertility World sees pure obsession . . . but here is what I see.
I see a woman who has been through the ringer more times than any woman should have to.
I see a woman who is so badly wanting a child that she is literally doing everything in her power to make that happen.
I see a woman who is now so intune with her body that the tiniest change makes her ears perk up.
I see a woman who just wants a Yes or No, as quickly as possible so she can either mourn or finally start a new journey that includes watching a baby grow inside of her.
So let me be very clear . . This is COPING!
By definition- A coping mechanism is a psychological strategy or adaptation that a person relies on to manage stress. Sometimes, coping mechanisms are intentional choices, while other times a person may be unaware that they’re using them. (dictionary.com,2020)
Ladies, do whatever you feel you need to do in order to calm your nerves, to help with the anxiety, to help your thoughts from racing and your heart from pounding out of your chest.
Now I am not saying some of these actions cannot turn into an unhealthy habit and yes that can happen, but that’s when we need to lean on our support system so they can help us see when that change is starting to happen.
BUT, the point of this post is to make it Loud and Clear that everything we choose to do while we crawl through the Infertility mud in order to get to the other side, is Perfectly Okay and Right For You!
We put so much pressure on ourselves to make sure we are doing everything “the right way”. So the doubt, anxiety, constant over thinking we do and feel every single cycle would make anyone feel a little crazed.
Peeing on a 1000 sticks or having pregnancy symptoms bookmarked on google is just a couple ways to release the extra energy that has been building since cycle day 1 and Girl there is No Shame In That! (Period!)
We are constantly being told how to do everything related to getting pregnant and it doesn’t stop there, people also love to give us advice on how to manage our stress infertility causes.
I will not being doing that because I could make a whole post on just stress relief suggestions (hmm that’s a good idea- Ill work on it).
This post is about Empowering yourself and understanding that these habits are a method of Coping!
Please read these Out-loud so you can really hear them!
Give yourself a break!
Do NOT be ashamed or embarrassed for doing all of the above habits – being apart of this Infertility Club has some weird rules but I didn’t make them, I just follow them lol !
You are not alone in your two week wait shenanigans!
You are doing the best you can, and that is Enough!
I am here with you, all the way!
Your not peeing on those 1000 sticks by yourself! We are in this together! (don’t be weird about it lol)
Resource
Coping mechanism. (2020). Retrieved July 01, 2020, from https://www.dictionary.com/browse/coping-mechanism
I woke up at 5:30 to get to the clinic for my appt. I mean who doesn’t love starting their day getting probed? They wave the magic wand to show that as per the usual everything looks like it should look (so why can’t these parts do what they are suppose to do). I get the green light to start my meds because who doesn’t love a self administered shot in the belly every day. I get my strict schedule of when to do what (because isn’t that romantic) and schedule my next probing for next week (gotta make sure the meds worked but that they did work too well). Then likely more pokes in the belly and Hopefully from there I can schedule when I get the giant needle in my hiney to fire an egg at the precise time I needs to fire so I can get the IUI that by now has cost over all enough that I could have purchased a small pony.
I’m hopeful that this will be the time. That everything I’ve done up to here was just the path to get to this particular time.
I can’t help but think “man those people who get pregnant on accident are really missing out on a lot of extra experience” 🙄
I’m an everything happens for a reason type of girl. I don’t understand the exact reason for all of this song and dance but I will say if it’s meant to be for me it will. If it doesn’t I have learned a lot from the experience so I certainly don’t regret trying.
Thank you for sharing your journey because people are so shy to talk about infertility. It’s not something that anyone should be ashamed of and I appreciate you sharing what you have learned along the way to help others. You my friend are a shining star ♥️