Im sure a lot of other people in the world have these problems especially single parents but my experience is the military and that is what I will be expressing. This is not me trying to “bash” the military, I love my life and the adventures this journey has taken us but you better believe I have the right to say when this life becomes challenging and stresses me the Fork out!
I went to school for 4 years to get my nursing degree, it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I have never been a great student, not that I didn’t try but school has always been a struggle for me, I can study more than any person in the room but once an exam or having to explain what I have learned comes into play, I just seize up, black out and just lose everything in that moment so nursing school was a huge challenge for me. When I graduated it was truly an accomplishment, I was able to successfully gain a bachelors degree and I had put in the work to do so.
Fast forward to being a military spouse, my life literally revolves around my husbands military career, I have to plan everything around his time, not mine. When that comes to working as a nurse I have found working per diem is a good fit for me, I do not work part time or full time, Im pretty much a filler. I give them days I can work and they schedule me in and then also call me on days theres a sick call and I do what I can do help out. There are some requirements I have to meet in order to be a per diem employee such as; I have to give them at least 4 shifts a month, I have to be on-call for 48 hours every other month etc. Sounds like a pretty nice gig and for the most part it is.
I have always been a people person and I also come from a midwestern background, so hard work is ingrained in you, you put in 110% no, if ands, or buts about it. I get anxiety if I think im going to be 5 minutes late to work, I never call in sick, I like to make people feel like they can count on me.
And this is where being a military spouse starts to make things a little tricky.
I have to please my boss and meet my per diem requirements for my job but then I also have to be home enough or available, for when my husband is unavailable- – which is a lot of the time due to his job title. When hes at work its not a normal 8-5 time frame, and if he is called back into work at anytime, theres no trying to find someone else to do it or that it can wait, nope its on me to figure out child care or making sure I don’t work. Or what seems to be a new “thing” is I have my schedule made but then my husband comes to me and says they have added him to the flight schedule, or he is placed on 48 hour duty. . . and again theres not much wiggle room for him, so its on me to figure out how to re-arrange my work schedule; find someone to work for me, talking with my boss way more than I would like to, find child care on weekends – – which is never that easy when I need it. And sometimes there is little notice on his end which then places an even shorter time frame for me to figure out a new game plan. And I know its not my husbands fault and I dont mean to say he does not help me figure things out but handling my job is solely on me and since I do more of the dropping off and picks I have built more of a repor with the people who care for our son. So its not that he doesnt want to help, its more of what most military spouses find after having a spouse who can be gone for days, weeks, or months at a time, is they have a system for problem solving that works for them and we like to stick to it.
So I have to work enough to please my job and to bring home a pay check because- – go figure we have bills that need to be paid but I also need to be home enough for our child. So its “you work too much” and “you don’t work enough” scenario. Obviously my family will always come first , so my career will always have to be placed on the back burner when something has to give. Its not that a military spouse cannot work full time or have their own career but for our family and how we have things structured Im in a position that makes it more feasible for me to re-arrange my side of things then his.
So this was more of a rant than anything helpful because to be honest I do not have any solutions to this problem or advice I can give other than what I tend to do. Which is this, writing my thoughts and feelings down, then communicating them with my husband which has really seemed to help the frustrations that this kind of situation puts on each of us. It is one of the many challenges living this life brings but again this life has also given us so many great opporunities and memories. So as a family we tackle each challenge as it comes, which has only seemed to make us/me more of a badass – – self proclaimed lol but it has also showed me how resilient I have become along with my little family and that we CAN handle anything that comes our way.
. . . I know there are people on my right and left that have things way worse off than me so I am grateful for the support system I have and one great thing about the military life is there is always someone else who has a similar lifestyle, so reach out, you dont have to do this all alone or at least find a venting buddy!
Leave me a comment if this sounds familiar and lets chat about it!