“Daddy has to go to work” – The Shortest Day to a Military Family
The sun comes up no different than the day before but when we wake up today, something is off, the feeling of this morning is heavier.
We stay in bed an hour more as if we can make the morning last a little longer. When making his cup of coffee , I catch myself looking at his coffee mug a few seconds longer. Instead of sitting in our regular spots in the living room, we end up sitting next to each other on the couch, just needing to be close to one another.
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Although it’s only 8am, time is already going by way too fast. We decide to enjoy the day as a family, in the car we are holding hands a bit longer, we hold hands when we get out and we don’t let go, even to open the door to the store.
We’re stealing glances at each other more so today than usual. Instead of making our son walk to each store he chooses to carry him in his arms and holding a little bit tighter.
We get back home and instead of getting on our phones or computers and video games, we again meet each other on the couch just so we can be close for a little bit longer.
Our animals also decide to join us, and our son notices a tiny hole in between us and squeezes his way in there. We have a whole family snuggle session, just trying to hang on to one another for a little bit longer.
When it’s time to leave, we get his bags in the car and again we are holding hands, just a little tighter this time. We tell our son that we are dropping Daddy off at work as we look at each other with sadness in our eyes.
We get to his drop off point, he kisses my hand before letting go, and then we get out.
He places his bags on the ground.
It is now the time that has been lingering over our heads the whole day, the heaviness I have felt has come to a point where it is hard to take a deep breath in. I’m nervous, my hands are sweating and my heart begins to race.
He opens the back door and gives our son a hug and kiss trying to keep things simple, our son is still young and cannot fully understand what it means if we tell him Daddy is leaving, so we have decided to keep things as normal as possible.
Although, our son is very perceptive and asks Daddy for one more hug and says “squeeze tight”!
Then it’s our turn, he brings me in for a deep hug, you know the one where you try to just melt into each other so that you become one person, not having to let go. It’s a hug that puts your senses on over drive. You take this hug to soak in one last time; his smell, the feeling of his arms around you, the sound of his heart beating.
He kisses my head and starts to separate from our hug, he slowly let’s go of the tight hold he had and the gap that is now growing between us is also for some reason making it colder out.
He can feel it too, so we hold hands for a few seconds longer. We then kiss, not an intimate one but more of a longing kiss. One that we will have to hang onto until he returns.
He picks up his bags and the gap between us is starting to look like an ocean, he smiles and blows me a kiss right before he turns around and starts to walk away.
Right before he is completely out of sight, he turns and looks our way one more time, his final “see you later” smile because it’s never goodbye.
Night drop offs are their own beast because it’s not like you can go and keep yourself busy with grocery shopping or normal errands, instead the night sky somewhat makes you feel a little more alone.
So you stand there, not ready to leave because for some reason you feel like if you stay in this moment it’ll be like he’s not really gone because he was right in this spot just a second ago but the longer you stay the colder you seem to feel.
You know it’s time to get in the car and go home, you know it’s time to buckle up and start to put that military spouse game face on.
It’s never easy but you do it anyways because to you, there is no other choice. We have a little boy who needs his momma to be strong and to show him that We Got This.
We start to head home and our son asks where did Daddy go, and my response is “Daddy had to go to work”.
People always say, “I don’t know how you do it”, well as much as I hate this part of this lifestyle, I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else in the world.
He is my penguin, my soulmate and so what I say back is, “I do it willingly because I love him”, it’s as simple as that.
The next morning is still heavy and the empty spot beside me in bed does not go unnoticed but the way I have always looked at our time apart is . . . one day gone, is one day closer to being back together where we belong.